Goal setting is a habit I've been trying to stick to since 2016. I started the year I own my very first journal: a souvenir I got from buying a-bundle-of-two Tresemme shampoos, and been doing it so badly for about ten years now. I find it somewhat hard for me sticking to a routine, and 'til this day I'm not really sure why.
Since I was a little kid, I've been much a dreamer. My imaginations and dreams have always felt so real, which sometimes also branches into other fractions of how I perceive possibilities into my daily life. Sometimes the imaginations are great and enlightening, which can easily alter my mood and even encourage me to somehow "change my life" for the better.
Being in my late 20s (omg I honestly still can't believe it) is pretty frustrating for me. I somehow vision myself to reach freedom by the latest of 35; this include goal & career-wise, financially, romantically and the list go on. Being closer to that age with no clarity about what to do and to lean on scares me. I imagine myself in Jasmine's shoes during the final scene of 1990s cartoon Aladdin, trapped in an hourglass, drowning and choking by the flowing sand. Depressing, I know. But I'm pretty sure lots of people feel the same way about their situation at some point, however old and wherever they are in life.
If there's one thing to say about my life journey, it's how fast the wheel of life turns for me, at least that's what it feels like. Couple years ago I could proudly say that I have reached some breakthrough of self-love, nowadays sometimes I again find it hard to look at myself in the mirror without thinking of changing my appearance. However, for some time I've been teaching myself to look at the bright side of things, never compare myself to others, keeping everything slow but sure at my own pace and of course to be grateful. But somehow I am perfectly sure that I am still living below my means. I'm pretty sure that I'm destined for great things and I haven't currently lived to my full potentials. But what ARE my potentials?
Looking back during my early childhood I wanted to be an archaeologist simply because what lays in the past intrigued me. Throughout middle to high school, I started facing some identity crisis. I didn't know what I want with my life but wanted to do lots of things at the same time — I wanted to be an artist despite had not been painting for so long, I wanted to volunteer in someone's farm at the other side of the world, I wanted to live frugally abroad — but in the end I decided to pursue architecture God knows why. Probably because that was the closest thing I had in mind and simply just because I got accepted on my second try and I was lazy to try anything else.
After graduation I thought I knew what I wanted — to work in construction, solely because I don't really love sitting around all day designing buildings despite at the same time I didn't waste my degree — but four years into my working experience, moving one job into another, strangely in transitioning into different fields every time, made me unsure of that goal I set for myself five years ago.
The one thing I'm sure of is I want to do the things that make me happy; the things that make me go through my life without even thinking of getting my years wasted. I'm currently at the conscious state of knowing I DEFINITELY WILL FEEL LIKE WASTING MY LIFE sticking to this job I'm doing. Although I know I am progressively changing for the better in this state I'm currently in, I feel like I'm living in a nutshell.
I recently travel to Europe with my family and conclude the thing people say about traveling to open your eyes is definitely true. It made me realize that a world is so much bigger and I need to expose myself to possibilities and bigger opportunities.
I start to think again about continuing my Master's Degree abroad. Couple of months ago I was pretty sure to erase that path since I guess I wanted to pursue and build my own business instead. However a thought came to mind. Around two months ago my boss asked me a question: "Where do you see yourself in this company that aligns with your motivation?", I answered with no hesitation that I wanted to be impactful to others. I wanted to make a change in society. The reason to that answer came a couple days behind another question I asked to my President Director: "How do you avoid burnout?", which she answered, "You have to find the right reason to motivate you."
I stumbled upon an instagram ad for a Masters Degree in Development Management. I did a little research about it and there's a huge chance that it is quite the answer to my prayers. If all goes well, I will be able to give a bigger impact to the society. At least to give me a better reason to fight through life. It gives me comfort to have kind of a clear path for at least three to five years from now. However, honestly I'm pretty scared that this feeling is just some endorphins rushing through my brains because I found something new to be excited about.
We'll see, couple months from now as I will be preparing for my Master's, hopefully the fire is still there, and hopefully, please just HOPEFULLY, I'm getting closer to my destiny.
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