Damn you society

Body and self love.

ANOTHER MAINSTREAM YET DEEP THING TO TALK ABOUT OH YEAH.

So, menurut gua, this is a very important topic di kalangan remaja sekarang ini, and I'm so damn glad I brought this kinda thing to a conversation with my parents. 

Well actually I wasn't really talking about this exclusively, in fact I was talking about how my friend's appearance has changed throughout time and BAM my mom just talked about this.

Jadi tadi gua lagi melakukan ritual biasa bareng mami dan papi sewaktu lebaran, well this is kinda weird but it's a family ritual anyway. Jadi setiap lebaran my parents pasti pergi ke restoran yang sama ini dan pesen menu yang sama: ketupat lebaran. Talking about family ritual, keluarga gua punya sebuah ritual lucu lainnya yaitu makan pizza hut setiap valentine's! How cute is that!

OKAY, BACK TO THE TALK.

Jadi sebelumnya gua sempet mikir, gua mau ikut pemilihan gadis sampul. I know this is kinda weird, tapi nggak tau kenapa, I have this strange feeling kalau ada chance gua bisa masuk, makanya lately I've been trying to change my appearance a bit, like to be slimmer and have a clearer skin, dan sedihnya so far it's not a great success.

Pertama tadi gua ngebahas how one of my friend has changed sejak dia ikut gadis sampul, maksudnya dari penampilannya itu loh keliatan, dan auranya cukup berubah gua bilang.

And my mom said, "oh, kalo itu mah pasti, cie. Kan kalo ikut pemilihan gitu-gituan pasti bakal dikasih pelatihan macem-macem juga kayak cara ngomong, cara jalan, gitu-gitu, pasti beda."

I couldn't agree more sih, then she started to talk about joining those kind of things without changing the way you are right now. 

But then I denied, I mean seriously, look around you, society's been fucked up. 

You have to do things their way to succeed.

But then mom started to be wise, dia bilang, "kenapa kamu nggak jadi diri sendiri? Kalo mau mending kamu ikut begitu tanpa ubah diri sendiri, trus liat aja, kalo misalnya belum berhasil berarti memang bukan disitu rencana Tuhan buat kamu."

And tbh, it hit me hard. So hard.

Mom also talked about how other people's opinion about you shouldn't bother you much.

It also made me think again, how I haven't been really grateful with my body, with who I am right now.

Selama ini yang gua pikirin hanya gimana caranya supaya gua bisa jadi the ideal figure everybody wants. Well, I've tried to love myself just the way I am, tapi memang gua akuin, itu butuh effort yang lebih. Dan itu susah banget banget.

I don't have enough confidence to deal with all these imperfections I have.

Tapi ya gara-gara apa yang mami bilang, gua mikir lagi, buktinya adalah adanya post ini di blog, it's a prove of my deep thinking.

So in conclusion,

Gua

Harus

Banget

Belajar

Buat

Mencintai

Diri

Sendiri.

Karna I couldn't even imagine how wonderful this world would be kalau orang-orang yang tinggal di dalamnya bisa cinta dan hormat sama dirinya sendiri. Bayangin, kalau model-model yang nantinya kita liat di majalah bukan cuma yang kurus-kurus doang, even the curvy ones or even the plump ones!

OH GOSH I SURELY NEED THAT KINDA WORLD.

A world where your weight, your face, and all your appearance that pleases only your eyes doesn't define who you really are.

Okay gosh, now I just don't know what else to say. 

I just can't think of another words.

Maybe it's because I'm watchin a film right now so I kinda lose focus.

So here it is, this post will end right here, maybe soon when I'm on the mood buat talk about topic ini lagi I will.

Let's just see.

Mainstream.

Cinta. 

Satu kata sejuta makna.

Haha #basi.

Okay.

So 

love,

What makes it so special until everyone wants it so badly?

Jadi pertanyaan itu udah ada di benak gua entah for how long and I finally got to talk about it with my friends di tengah2 kita lagi belajar matematika buat ulangan besoknya.

Dan itu random banget.

And I have to admit, jawaban yang mereka kasih cukup bikin gua mikir.

Ta: Eh guys, aku pengen tanya. Ini random sih. Tapi what makes love so special sih sampe2 kayaknya everyone wants it so badly? Maksudnya what makes it so different from other feelings in the world?

Ross: Ya beda lah ta, only love can make people feel other feelings all at once. Cuma love yang bisa bikin happy but at the same time bisa juga bikin galau and sedih. Coba kayak happiness, ya cuma hepi doang, kalo sedih ya juga cuma sedih doang kan? Cinta itu spesial, cinta itu beda.

Waktu gua denger itu

Otomatis gua senyum,

Bener juga sih apa yang dia bilang

Memang cinta itu aneh,

Bikin stres,

Bikin galau,

Tapi entah bikin happy.

Tapi entah kenapa 

Gua sendiri kurang bisa percaya kalo true love really do exist. I don't really know why. Biasa kan kalo orang gitu ada something dibaliknya kan, entah masalah keluarga, atau pernah disakitin, atau apa pun lah.

Tapi anehnya gua kayak ga percaya aja,

Masa sih kayak orang married for about 20 years like my parents, gak bosen gitu loh setiap pagi ketemu orang yang sama lagi, yang sama lagi, kayaknya gua aja kalo deket sama orang baru beberapa bulan sempet ada fase bosennya.

Atau mungkin gua belom terlalu berani buka diri lebih jadi belom bisa ngerasain? Entah.

Tapi jujur gua dulu orang yang takut banget buat jatuh cinta. Like for godness sake, my fear is indescribable.

Some people say that love is like riding a bike, to succeed doing it you don't have to be afraid to fall.

Gimana caranya coba, gua sendiri aja gak bisa naik sepeda and you know one of the reasons is because I'm pretty afraid of falling.

It all pretty makes sense then.

Gua dari dulu takut banget kalo misalnya udah jatuh, bakal susah banget untuk balik lagi.

Call me a coward, but I'm just being realistic.

Siapa sih yang misalnya habis sakit hati tetep aja bisa kuat? Maybe bisa diluar, tapi kan pasti setiap kali ada bahas soal perasaannya dia bakal breakdown lagi.

Apalagi apapun yang kalo udah nyangkut perasaan bukan main-main lagi kan.

Tapi entah kenapa

Setelah berpikir beberapa lama

Mencoba lebih buka diri dan deket sama seseorang

Dan coba buat overcome that fear of get hurt

Finally

Kayaknya akhirnya gua mulai bisa

Walau kayak kura2, pelannya setengah mati

Dan kadang masih struggle sama hati sendiri

Jadi otak sama hati kayak masih sering perang gitu.

Gua berusaha coba buat buka diri lebih lagi buat take risks and give it a shot.

Hopefully it's worth trying lah ya,

I mean, what the worst could happen if you try kan?

Karna jujur,

Walau gua sangat amat tidak percaya dengan keberadaan perasaan pencilan itu,

I wanna meet someone who finally can show me, prove it to me that I was wrong.

Well who doesn't sih?

Dan semoga, kali ini gua gak nyesel gitu aja

Karena for the very first time I'm trying to deal this feeling with my heart and brain at the same time.

Biasa suara hati selalu babay buat urusan ginian HUAHAH

meski kalo gua kasih advice tentang ini justru pake hati. kok aneh ya.

Yasudahlah.

Mari akhiri dulu sampai disini

Sebelum makin panjang lagi.

So, see ya.